I am me. I don’t know how to be anybody else. And sometimes, being me, feels like a curse because I can be a little high strung, quirky as hell, and often it feels like nobody really understands me except, well, me.
Does anyone else feel like this?
I guess I don’t have to be understood to be fulfilled in life, but I don’t want to be misunderstood either. Because I want to be known and seen for who I am. Regardless of what people think of that person.
I’m opinionated, yet open-minded. I’m a feminist, but also conservative. I’m motivated, but sometimes don’t want to leave the house. I’m social, but sometimes the thought of socializing sends my heart racing. I want to find love, but the idea also scares me and sometimes I wonder if I’m better off being alone. I’ve been told I’m too picky when it comes to dating. As if I should apologize to myself for having standards I’m not willing to compromise on. If knowing what I do and don’t want and never finding it keeps me single then so be it. I’d rather be alone, then with someone who makes me feel alone, you know what I mean? I’m happy and content, but also really sad.
How is it possible I can be one thing and also the other? Like a paradox.
Is this just the human condition or am I alone in feeling this way? Who else can relate?
The thing is: I am me. And sometimes I hate that I’m me because let’s face it, I’m weird, a little crazy, and a bit of a dreamer…but deep down I’m proud to be the weirdo that I am. Because as the quirky, overly emotional, chronic over-thinker that I can be—I’m also hilarious, creative, and understanding. And I wouldn’t want to change that about myself. I don’t want to change who I am because I love who I am. Really I do. That doesn’t mean I don’t see room for self-improvement. Nobody is perfect and anyone who seems to be is faking it. I’ve just come to accept who I am and what I want out of life and I’m not afraid to go find it. Actually, that’s a lie—I am afraid. Terrified, actually. I’m just going for it anyway. Even if the destination is really just me alone with a published book on a dusty old bookshelf. So long as I’m happy and God is on my side, what else really matters? What do I really have to lose?
Can anyone else relate to this feeling?
So I guess the point I’m making is it’s okay to be who you are. Because even if you don’t feel like it is—it is enough to simply be yourself.
Who you are is so much more than enough and you don’t have to apologize for that. I mean, you do, if you’re wrong, fake and toxic, but that’s a completely different story.
The point is, if people don’t understand or like you, that’s not your problem if you know that you’re genuine. The most important thing is that you like you and that you’re living life with integrity, right? The rest of the story will come, don’t you think?
At least that’s what I tell myself haha.
I’m not trying to write like I’ve got it all together. God knows I don’t. Not even close. Honestly, I may never get it fully together. I’ll never be a poster child for how to live the perfect life. But I like to think I know something about living right.
I think that’s the funny thing about life. We think we’ll reach a point where we’ve got everything figured out, but we’ll always be reaching for something. Where we are is never enough in the moment because we’re always looking toward what’s next.
Like when we travel and we reach the destination, but return home back to life as normal. Then we start planning the next trip because it gives us another reason to continue. Another goal to work toward. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. But, when you climbed that mountain, did you stop to see the view or did you just look for the next mountain the whole time?
What are you really living for? Why?
Are you hiding who you are because you’re afraid of what people will think? Why?
I guess I ask that question a lot. Why? Why do I do the things I do? Why am I the way that I am?
Why do I feel like it’s not enough, even when I know it is?
Like a constant daily reminder…I suppose that’s what this is.
Flaws…quirks…and all the crazy kind of caring and funny that is me.
I am me.
That is enough.
You are you.
That is enough, too.
End rant 🙂
Hi! My name is Rachel. I love to write. Write about life, love, and reflect on how the past builds the future. Mostly, I love to tell stories because I believe there is something about stories that brings the world closer together. You can check out some of my writing reflections here at Rachel Writes.