Everyone told me to try dating apps until I finally just gave in and thought, why not? Isn’t that the modern world? Shouldn’t I get with the program like everyone else?
I like being alone, but as I think about my future, I know I don’t really want to be alone forever. And meeting people apparently involves swiping right first or whatever. So I gave a couple of dating apps an honest try: Facebook Dating and Tinder. I know these are two very different apps, but for the purpose of keeping this to the point, I’m going to generalize them together.
Let me preface this by saying this is based on my opinion and experience. I’m not saying you can’t find whatever it is you’re looking for on dating apps. I believe you can. But I also believe it’s important to recognize that dating apps are not for everyone. I don’t care if it’s how the world works now. Just because everyone is swiping left or right, doesn’t mean you have to.
Here’s the first thing I learned:
- You will probably be disappointed
When I first tried out online dating, I did so half-heartedly. I didn’t really want to try because I knew I would probably be disappointed. So I only invested minimal time in it. After several weeks I started to invest a little more time, finding a few conversations I was interested in.
But unfortunately that’s where the disappointment begins, which ties into the second thing I learned:
2. You will get ghosted
And it’s okay because you will probably ghost people, too. It’s nothing personal. Just how it is. Which is pretty sad that my generation has come up with a clever way to be rude, put a “label” on it and turned it into a socially acceptable practice as a way to avoid unwanted socialization, but I mean, hey, it’s the modern world and we’re all just trying to find love on these apps, right? So that makes it totally okay.
Which leads me into the next thing I learned:
3. Don’t be Naive
Don’t be naive and think that everyone on these apps are looking for the same things you are. They are not. And I mean, I did know this, but sometimes naive me didn’t realize that some people would rather just meet in the middle of the night. Which leads me into another thing I learned:
4. You need to be upfront with what you’re looking for
If you’re not, you might waste time talking to people who are not on the same page as you. You need to communicate pretty quickly what you’re wanting to avoid miscommunication, or disappointment later on. You’ll also avoid wasting the other people’s time because maybe you’re not what they’re looking for either.
Which leads me into the fifth thing I learned:
5. You Might Actually Find Someone
You might start a conversation with someone, and it actually might look promising. Maybe it’ll work out, or maybe it won’t.
But the unfortunate reality is you might find someone worth being interested in, but they may not be interested in you. And that’s okay. It’s not personal and no one did anything wrong. It’s just one of those things you have to figure out as you go.
All a part of the game, I guess.
I’m not trying to stigmatize online dating. There are definitely good people out there. Actually, everyone I came across in my experience seemed good. Just not all of them were good for me, or maybe I wasn’t good for them.
So were these dating apps worth a try? For me, the answer is yes. For all the negative things I have to say about it, the truth is, I’m glad I did try.
However, I’m way too much of an over-thinker, and honestly, my old-soul heart doesn’t understand how to navigate the rules of these apps very well. And I’m not even sure I want to. And I know this is how dating works and I should just get with the program, but I think it’s okay to recognize that maybe modern-dating can be a mess.
While these apps left me a little disappointed and overall confused, they did help me realize what I’m actually looking for and to be open to the unexpected.
I do think datings apps often seem like a joke or a game and that’s confusing. Because it really shouldn’t be funny and I’d rather just be honest than play games. But I think that’s more of a “me against culture problem,” than a problem with the actual apps.
But hey, at least this gave me an opportunity to overshare my thoughts on this blog again. And I guess that’s a plus.
Maybe I’ll try out Christian-Mingle next. Ha. Maybe not.
But for now, I’m going to take a step back because I’m still trying to understand why I’m so confused by modern dating culture.
Or maybe it’s not that I don’t understand…
actually, I do understand.
I just wish that it was different.
Hi! My name is Rachel. I love to write. Write about life, love, and reflect on how the past builds the future. Mostly, I love to tell stories because I believe there is something about stories that brings the world closer together. You can check out some of my writing reflections here at Rachel Writes.